My High Point

I've been thinking about waking up the blog for a while.  Today is as good of a day as any - a better one perhaps, because I just spent time talking with a colleague about my day and that talk really changed my perspective on it.

I'm a person who tries to be positive - I try to assume the best, work with people's strengths, and send love and positivity out into the world when I can.  Being a teacher of students with behavioral disorders makes this particularly important for my own health and well-being.  But there are days - days like today - that can be a little rough.  Some are rougher than others, and today wasn't by any means the worst  (then we get into cops and manifestation meetings), but it was rough.  Maybe it's the cold that's beginning to creep in, maybe it's the time shift that is so close, but those personal things combined with students who struggled with listening, following directions, and their own frustrations (think a lot of tears, some yelling, and yes, a broken window), led to a day a little tougher than most.

So I drove home trying to think of a way to manage my stress.  It's not overwhelming, but it's definitely something I have to keep on top of, especially since lately I'm recovering from ACL reconstruction and can't run and jump and play as Tigger-like as I typically do.  (Tiggers in knee-braces are less bouncy).  So I thought about jump starting the blog.  The initial title of this post was "Today Another Window Broke" and I was going to try to write my way out of my funk.  But then, a colleague called, one who I've missed working with very much, and after describing to me her day, and the experiences she had tutoring a mutual student, she asked me the following question:

"What was the high point of your day?"

And it took me a minute to answer.  Not because there weren't high points, but just because sometimes it takes a moment, especially when our mental-needle is playing a song on the "God, I'm frustrated!" record groove of thought, to shift over to another vinyl.

The high point of my day?  I helped a student who was so frustrated with his own behavior that he was crying see what he was doing to himself in a different way.  We'd tried group games this morning - the students had to take a rope; they were led to a tree to tie a knot.  He'd immediately jumped in, with less then perfect social skills, trying to take over the group of 10+ students and be the leader.  It didn't work out well for him.  He became frustrated, and carried the frustration from that 10-15 minute game (which we will play again tomorrow) throughout his day, until he ended up blowing two other classes, yelling at staff, and having to be removed.  We talked, one he had calmed down, and he said "I tried to reverse it, and I couldn't!"  He was forlorn. I asked him to come with me to the sink.

I told him, "The sink is you.  The water is your behavior."  Turning the sink on slightly, I told him, "Sometimes, we turn behavior on." He looked at the stream of water.  I told him then, "Sometimes, behavior gets turned on too strongly."  I turned the water on full blast. 

I looked at him, and said "Reverse it."

He turned the water off, and I corrected him.  "You turned it off.  Reverse it."

He looked at me quizzically and then played along, getting his hands wet in an attempt to put the water back in the faucet.  "You can't reverse it," he said.  We talked about how once it's done, it's done.  You can't take back what you do.  The only way to go forward is to deal with what you start.

The water was filling up a small bucket underneath the sink.  I asked him, what could he do about his behavior.  He followed my thinking, and quickly answered "I can turn my behavior off." 

He proceeded to turn the water off.  I affirmed his action, then pointed out the bucket, noting that his 'behavior' had filled it up.  I asked him to stretch out his arm, and placed the small bucket on his outstretched hand.   I asked him "If you hold onto the bucket, how does it feel"

"It's heavy" he replied.

I told him to pretend that was his behavior from the games this morning.  And then, because he didn't turn his behavior "off" in multiple classes, I filled the bucket more and put it back on his hand.  I asked him "How does it feel now, that there's more in there?"

"It's heavier!  And it's hurting my arm."  He put down the bucket.

I asked him, when we have problem behavior, what is our choice?  He looked at me for a moment, and he said "We can hold onto it."

"Which makes it  heavier.  Or...."  I was hoping he would see what I saw.

"We can let it go."  He smiled. 

I'm describing the interaction in much more detail; in real-life, it took about five minutes.  I'm grateful the idea landed in my lap, because I think it helped him understand a little of what he was doing; holding onto his problem behavior and his perceived - or real - "failures" and not taking the opportunity to regroup, reset, and change. 

I'd have forgotten this moment if my colleague hadn't have asked me about my high point.  I'd have let the day wash away, remembering only the adrenaline of hasty walkie-talkie calls and ruminating over why I couldn't get one kid to care about his homework or another to stop falling asleep in class.

There are high points.  Beautiful, amazing, high points that may just seem like part of the day to day, a product of "what we do," but that really matter in the long run.  What we do matters.  Sometimes forever, sometimes just for a moment, but either way it makes the world a better place. 

What was your high point today?