"If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves."
--Thomas Edison
Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks out of knee surgery for an ACL repair. I have had my 12-week checkup; my amazing doctor, my surgeon's PA, has declared that I am "out of the protection phase" and that my knee is stable. In physical therapy, I've graduated to ladder drills along with the five-billion squats and lunges that are standard for this stage of recovery. Overall, I am making progress.
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Post PT icing - and a moment to reflect. |
I went through a slump a week or so ago, though. It's easy to fit in your PT when you're not really moving anywhere, and when the ability to bend your knee closely hinges on whether or not you've done your exercises. Once I graduated to squats, that dependence on exercise wasn't as closely felt - though believe me, I know exercises are still very necessary. It's just that I got to a point where I was back at work, bustin' out 10,000 + steps a day on the old pedometer and feeling a lot freer - and a lot less frustrated - in avoiding my exercises.
The problem with all of that was that there were certain times where my knee would hyper-extend. Those times would remind me that I really needed to do my squats. So at week 12, I found myself recommitted to my exercises. And at week 13 I feel a lot stronger.
I still can't jump. I can hop, but it really doesn't look like hopping; it's more of a strange half pounce that takes a lot to coordinate. I'm not that great with my balance - I never was - and there's still pain in my knee. After all, it's only week 13. But after doing my physical therapy, and after feeling like I did a lot of work but yet still feeling down about it, I was given a great reminder: "Be proud of your accomplishments."
And that really struck me. It's been a week for me of reframing, of taking my perspective and trying to shift it. Sometimes I do things just to do them, or get through them, and I don't really take the time to honor and respect the work I've done. 13 weeks ago my knee was cut open and a hole was put into it. I'd say hopping, right now, is a pretty big deal.
Accomplishments are important to acknowledge. When I graduated high school, I went to work for a daycare that served kids with special needs, ages 0-21. There I worked with toddlers who had a range of disabilities; one particular kiddo was delayed in her ability to speak or even feed herself. Every day, staff would prepare her meal and carefully feed her snack and lunch, surrounded by the eight other students we were supporting, teaching and re-teaching her how to hold a spoon and hold her cup. And every day we would repeat the process.
Until one day. The adults in the room were engaged in something; I don't quite remember what (this was in 1997) - perhaps it was serving the other students lunch, perhaps someone had dumped their milk, perhaps we were dismissing a student for the day. Either way, this particular student wasn't being fed while the milk sat on her tray, in a sippy-cup, in front of her. Before we had the chance to complete whatever activity we were engaged in, we heard a shriek. We turned to find our kiddo, with a smile as huge as the sun, holding her cup and drinking heavily out of it.
I will never forget that smile. I will never forget that moment. It's a moment that I've held onto as an example of how sometimes it takes a lot of time, and a lot of work, but eventually - eventually - you get a result. I remember how I felt - so very proud of her - and how happy she was to experience that success. I hold that moment as a key moment to help me through days and weeks of teaching - sometimes the same thing over and over and over and over - until the kids get it. And when the kids get it, oh, what a feeling!
So why am I not applying that same sense of pride to myself? It's easy to feel that pride when we see it manifested in work outside of ourselves. Some of us build buildings, some treat clients, some teach students how to read. And when it comes together - oh, what a feeling! Many people I know are so good - so skilled - at taking care of other people. But when it comes to ourselves?
Not so much.
And I think that being proud of our own accomplishments is part of that. I know for me, being proud of my accomplishments is important. It's part of self care, and self love. Being proud is so often equated with being greedy or selfish. I think often people avoid healthy pride because we are so afraid that we might tip the scale. I was part of a church group for a long time that warned, so often, of not being "prideful." No way was I going to let my ego get out of hand! I know that I, personally, internalized the idea, putting an end to any celebration of my own accomplishments.
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love is the way to do it! |
It's a part of my own self-care that I've been working to get back. It's important to be proud. It's important to celebrate. And it's important to look at where I've been, and smile, and say "Yeah, I did that. And it's awesome." I deserve it. You deserve it. That's what self-love is all about. I'd do it for a friend; make sure they celebrated a promotion or enjoyed an accomplishment. It's important to be a friend to ourselves, too. It's a great message for me today.
So yeah, graduating to hopping is a pretty big deal! It looks weird sometimes, but I'm pretty proud of that - and all of the physical, emotional, and spiritual work I'm putting in! There's a long road to go, but the road has been pretty long already, and in life there are always roads to travel.
What are you proud of? What's making your smile shine? How much better will it be when we can all take care of ourselves, have pride in what we do, feel confidence, and smile like the sun!